Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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