Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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