you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
