dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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