im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
