i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
