Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize