ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
