Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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