I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize