I can text with my tongue
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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