having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
