i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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