My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
