I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
