You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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