My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
