So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You can't just leave with hair like that
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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