You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the day after is always just damage control
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
