I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
