I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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