He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
