So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
