SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize