And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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