I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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