i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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