We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
