I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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