The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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