you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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