Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
