Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
