they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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