Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
