I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
