thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
