I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
