I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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