i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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