Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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