shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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