Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
