Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
