We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How external is "for external use only"?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
