That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
