The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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