Where is the hickey?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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