There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize