Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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