I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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