I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
