i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize