im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
