wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
