please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
