What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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