this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
