I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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