Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
