yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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