They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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