when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
