On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
