On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
