and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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