dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
