omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
