i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
