Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
