I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
