hell yes lets make some ravioli
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize