Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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