note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I want a musical about memes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
