my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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